Finding Peace


The Lord has been working in my heart over the last couple of weeks since we found out our IUI didn't work. I cannot describe in words the kind of peace that has filled my soul, except that it is exactly as it says in Philippians 4:6-7, 11:


"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus... Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am."


It is just like that! It is a peace which passes all comprehension, all logic, all human understanding. This is the first time in the more than 4 years of dealing with infertility that I have had such peace, and I can only say that it most definitely is NOT coming from me. Left to myself, I am a noisy soul who wants nothing more than my own wishes granted, and pouts when I do not get my way. This peace (I believe) is God fulfilling His promise to me and reminding me that my body is His, and my future is His to control. There is such freedom in coming to terms with that!


Over the last couple of weeks I have begun to be perfectly content with our one child, and am experiencing fuller joy in knowing that God's plan is best. Really best. I'm not saying that I don't still struggle with thoughts of "why me" or "how come it's so easy for so-and-so" or "I wish I could be pregnant", but that when I think them, those thoughts are immediately quieted with the truth of God's grace and love.


Josh and I haven't even discussed future infertility treatments. For now, we are learning "in whatever state I am therewith to be content." I feel as though a large burden has been lifted from my shoulders and my circumstances haven't changed, just my perspective.


I wanted you to know that.


Comments

Carrie said…
Hey Joanna it is so good to hear you say this. I know God loves you. He has a plan and is working on it. He has blessed you with precious Noah. I miss you and our talks, I've thought about calling you several times but just haven't. Praying for you.
May 15, 2009 at 7:45 PM
Marmee said…
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think it adds to the peace of those that care about you too.
May 17, 2009 at 5:34 AM
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