My Ebenezer

I was nine years old when The Little Mermaid was released in theaters, and it quickly rose to the top of my list of favorite movies. I could sing every song, and in the summers ever after--until I grew too old to admit that I was doing such a thing--I pretended to be a mermaid. Swam underwater with my legs tight together and everything. Now I have 3 kids, and though they have no idea who The Little Mermaid is, the water seems to allure them just as much as it did me. They can't wait to get their swimsuits on and jump in, though they aren't pretending to be mermaids, I guarantee you. They're boys, after all, and have much more in common with Indiana Jones than Ariel. But I digress. I love pictures like the one above because it's like a digital time capsule. I'll file it away and then in five years, revisit it and not be able to believe how little they were. I love/hate that feeling. These are my kids with Matt and Jen's kids, and also some friends from chu...

(First things first: WHY does spell checker not recognize "homeschool" as a correctly spelled word? I assure you; homeschooling is a thing and it is very much a one-word kind of concept!) Jen, her daughters, and I had the opportunity to attend the FPEA annual homeschool convention last weekend. Before the experience gets lost in the summer happenings, I thought I'd write about some of the things I took away from it. 1. It's always a blessing to retreat a bit and reflect on the life we chose. This school year was our hardest yet, and there were days (weeks, months actually) where I was ready to pull the plug and load my kids onto the big yellow bus the very next day. It's so helpful to remember that there are literally thousands of other moms in the same situation (I had two tell me in person that they felt the exact same way this year). This is hard. This (we believe) is what God has called me to. This is what I'll do with His grace. 2. It was definit...

Seth is my bug man. He loves trapping them, catching them, playing with them, trying to feed them... Today we were out in the yard, trying to make it to lunch time without snacking (honestly this is a rarely-attained goal in our house!) and I suggested we try to catch some grasshoppers. This was met with excitement and so, if you had looked over the fence into our backyard about 11:40 on Monday morning, you would have found Seth, Eden, and I alternately stalking and then pouncing on the little green bugs. Most times we missed, but occasionally we came up victorious. Eden begged to hold one, and then would squeal and jump back if we tried to actually pass our grasshoppers to her. Seth caught the most, and I got a little bit of exercise chasing them down. I am so glad to be out of school for the summer so I can do these kinds of things! Also on an unrelated note, I attempted to show Seth how to do a cartwheel in the backyard and almost pulled my back out. Don't try that a...

I recently had the opportunity to complete this hummingbird, which had been sitting in my sketchbook half-finished for months. What joy God gives me in drawing, and I have to believe I enjoy only a sliver of the joy He felt when He formed these beautiful little birds. All those colors competing for top billing in a bird hardly bigger than an insect! I'm hoping to draw more birds as time allows, and maybe start giving them away as gifts more often.

What do you see here? Are you saying to yourself, "Big deal. Tissues on a bookshelf." Ah, but when you've spent the last couple of years back in this stage like I have: All of a sudden seeing a full box of tissues, untouched on a bookshelf in perfect reach of anybody, can almost bring a tear to your eye. The good kind. I am starting to see glimmers of hope that one day we will emerge from Little Kid Mode. Like old Noah in Genesis, who sent out a dove to determine if the flood waters had receded, I set out that tissue box about a week ago to test our own waters of destruction. And I'm here to tell you I think they're receding! We're not out of the flood zone yet, as demonstrated by the fact that Eden saw a Dayquil pill; so golden, so candy-like, sitting on the kitchen counter and popped it into her mouth without so much as a question (thankfully I saw her and made her spit it out). BUT. There's daily proof that life won't always be so...mess...

The irony in a Mother's Day picture like this one is that the most influential contributors to my motherhood are not even pictured! Those would be God and my husband, as well as my own mom. Years I spent at God's feet, asking for children. Look at how He's answered! These kids are far from what I imagined in terms of personality, and also I had No Idea what I was getting myself into with parenting in general. God knew that. But when I see this photo, I see myriad answered prayers. Thank you, God! God is still giving me grace and strength each day. I pray He will turn my messy efforts into something beautiful one day. Josh is the one who snapped this photo. And the other 5 before it. Truth be told, he could have kept going! I know we're not the only family who can't get a decent photo the first time. He's also the one who helps keep my sanity when, by 8:30pm, I'm about to lose it. He's an excellent putter-to-bedder, the best jungle gym and airpla...

Yesterday about this time, I let out a sigh of relief that rivaled any of the previous ones on record. WE FINISHED SCHOOL WITH GOD'S HELP!! Noah finished 6th grade, Seth finished Kindergarten, and hopefully Eden finished her turn as my loose cannon, though I can't say for sure on that one yet. We did go out for milkshakes to celebrate the victory God gave. About mid-September last year, a mere 2 weeks into school, I didn't think I could or even should go on homeschooling. Almost every day since then, I fought a battle in my mind. I can't do this. God can equip me to do this. I don't want to do this. I must do this. Isn't there another way? Big yellow bus, where are you?  I can say, looking back, that God is the only one to whom credit is due for completing this year. It is only by His grace. I'm not really ready to comment beyond that on this past school year. We'll see what God has in store for next year!

Eden loves baby dolls. She only has one so far, but earlier today she brought a couple home from the church nursery and I didn't even notice, probably because I was dealing with Older Brother Shenanigans as we were getting into the car.  We'll return the dolls to church tomorrow night, but until then, I'd say they're in pretty good hands. She loves to line them up in a chair and get them all in a row. She talks to them and takes care of them. I've even seen her spank her doll! She'll hold the offender right up to her face and say very quietly and sternly: "Now you look in my eyes!" I feel like I'm looking in a mirror when she does that. I really enjoy having a girl after all the years of boys!

"What should I get our moms for Mother's Day?" I asked Josh. He's used to this question; neither of us is very good at gift-giving. This is not because we don't want to give gifts. No, this is because we both have a perfectionist vein which deeply desires to give The Perfect Gift. As early as a month prior to an occasion we begin investing much thought into what we should give, and then dismiss several decent options because they're just okay. We can't give a gift that is just okay. We need the PERFECT ONE! Meanwhile the date in question marches ever steadily closer. Finally, in a desperate attempt to give something before it's too late--because we still haven't arrived at The Perfect Gift-- we... (wait for it).... go to Amazon and order a gift card that we then email to the person the day of the celebration. Nailed it! *rolls eyes*  So, if you've been one of our lucky Amazon gift card recipients, this is why. It is because we love you f...

In the summer when I was 11 years old, my mom would go to work and I would ride my bike 1.4 miles (I just looked up the exact distance. Thanks, Google Maps!) to the house of my bff, Holly. Her mom would be at work too, and so we would spend the entire day swinging on her rope swing, building forts, drawing blueprint plans of our dream houses, watching an occasional episode of Lamb Chop's Play Along ("we've got a lot of good stuff for you and you and you...yeah, and especially you!"), making a blue box of mac'n'cheese for lunch, playing Clue, and riding our bikes to the convenience store for pints of Rocky Road. Summers were endless, it seemed, and so were the freedoms. During longer car rides as a family currently, we have been listening to Henry Huggins , by Beverly Cleary. Funny book! Very good for boys. It was written in the 1950s, and surprisingly the detail that dates it the most in my mind is this: back then the kids just ran free in the neighborhoo...

I don't know about you, but my hobbies have to take turns. There simply isn't enough time for reading, art, blogging, cleaning (yes, that's a hobby!), gardening, etc all at the same time. So I find my free time rotates. Right now I seem to be on a blogging streak, but for the last few weeks I've been reading. Next will probably be art, and then eventually I should probably clean something. *wink* If you have not read Unbroken, you NEED to.  It was next to impossible to put down, and so inspiring. In the week or so since I finished reading it, I have thought about Louis Zamperini countless times, and have been encouraged by his life. (There has been a movie made which is based on this book, but I will not be watching it, as I know it would be too intense for me.) God's hand is evident in Louie's life throughout the book, and I have a neat story about how I came to own it too: Unbroken was on my list of books I wanted to read, and I had tried to get a cop...

We enjoyed an uncharacteristically empty Saturday this past week. Where we are normally shuffling between two soccer games at two different fields, and occasionally also juggling a church work day or a tenant emergency, this past Saturday was blank, and gloriously so. Seth asked on Friday night if we could build a tree house, and Josh was able to say, "Yes!" Thank the Lord for a blank Saturday, funds for a tree house, and a husband who is very handy!

The artist in me and the mom in me frequently do battle, and I must admit it is usually the mom side of me that wins. I value No Messes at the cost of Artistic Expression almost every time. Good thing I didn't know Seth was getting out paints and paintbrushes, because in the midst of my dinner-prepping, I would have said no to painting right then for sure. But look what we would have missed out on!

Josh and I took the kids to Legoland for two days earlier this month. Let me relive some of the highlights here, and I'll be sure to do it in list format because, well, it makes me happy. 1. The Timing. This trip couldn't have been at a better time.  For the last couple of months, Josh and I had both been eyeing the exit to normal responsibilities. School got ya down? Tenants and projects galore? Time for a short vacay! We would love to get away in an RV, but we don't actually own one, so that makes it a challenge.  Renting an RV is as expensive as a hotel and way more hassle (because you have to bring your own e.ver.y.thing), so might as well stay in a hotel. We saw an online ad for 2 days at Legoland with lodging at Legoland's Beach Retreat (no actual beach though!) for a very reasonable price (kids were free!), and decided to go for it. 2. The Distance.  Legoland is south of Orlando, so by van it took us a little over 3 hours. Just long enough where we fel...

For the past few weeks whenever we are in the backyard, Eden has been making little reassuring comments to herself about monsters. (A shout out to Seth, who acquainted her with that concept in the first place. Thanks, buddy!) "Monster won't get me." "There's no more monsters." "Monster WAY over there, not here." Every time I hear her say that, I assure her that there is no such thing as monsters and that God is the one who keeps us safe anyway.  Yesterday out by our stream, she kept saying these things and finally I asked her if she'd ever seen a monster.  She pointed across to the opposite creek bank and said, "Over THERE!" I looked too, and then I saw it: The underside of a tree root system, from an upended dead tree.  Yes. Well. It does look like a monster, kind of. I tried explaining what it was, but she couldn't understand. So. There's now a "monster" across the stream and I'm debating whether we ...

I thought I'd post this photo of some pretty cheesy smiles from Seth and Eden, and unload a few things about Eden that I've been wanting to remember: This photo was taken at the park which we have frequented for the last 11 years. Eden cannot say "park" and so she says we were at the "pout." Eden loves to say "me too!" She'll even use that phrase to agree with herself as in, "I like that song, me too!" She uses the words "too" and "either" together as if they're best friends: "I want some macaroni too either." Nothing makes her light up like finding out her outfit has pockets,  "It has POTTETS!!" What does she put in her pockets, you ask? The usual: hair ties, pennies, marbles, keys, rocks...I even found drill bits one time.

"Why don't you take them to the park?" Josh asked. It was an innocent question, born out of enduring a morning full of antsy boredom from our 3 kids. And for some reason, at his suggestion my whole countenance fell. Josh asked me what was the matter, but I couldn't put it into words just then. I silently loaded all three kids into the car, grabbed my journal, and drove to the park. What was wrong with me, anyway? It was the day after Christmas, it was gorgeous weather, and we didn't have school.  I sat down on a bench in the full sun and wrote the following entry in my journal: When Expectations Don't Match Reality As a homeschooler, you spend the bulk of your time planning lessons, soldiering through school days week after week, month after month. There's not much time for house cleaning or personal goals like exercise, art projects, writing, or organizing those areas of life that tend to creep ever downward.  There's not even time for ordin...

I was honored to know a lady named Sara Prigge who, on Tuesday of this week, went home to be with the Lord after a 2 year battle with colon cancer. She went home.  I have to keep saying that because much of the time I live like this world is my home. I forget that my citizenship is, in fact, in heaven. This  right now is what will be the blip on the radar screen of time. These troubles I have now are momentary, light. They are nothing to be compared with the glory that will follow, because what is seen is temporary, and what is unseen is eternal (that's me paraphrasing 2 Cor 4:17-18). I am so thankful to have known Sara and to be encouraged by her example. I wanted to share two of my most important memories of her life and how it touched mine. These are very small things when I see them written out, and I doubt she would have even remembered that either of these happened, but they impacted me. I first met Sara when I was a college student in love with a boy named Josh Ro...

Three cute/funny things we've heard around here lately: Dropping off Eden at her class the other day, it was overcast. The preschool teacher in the adjoining room quizzed her class "What is the weather outside today?" Someone piped up "Cloudy!" The teacher asked, "And so where is the sun today?" Another child exclaimed, "The clouds are holding it!" Too cute! Seth was gluing something on his worksheet, and kept fiddling with his elbow. "What's wrong with your arm?" I asked. "I got glue on it by my elbow and it's sticking my fur down!" On the way home from church Wednesday night, Eden said she was "hunny." (hungry). After announcing that she wanted ice cream, Josh said, "I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream." Suddenly Eden screamed as loudly as she could. Josh reprimanded her, until I pointed out that she was just doing what his little rhyme said to do!

I was sinking again yesterday.  I began the day with every intention of leaning on the Lord for His grace and strength, but by the end of the day was weary and facing discouragement again. I could describe many of my days as one drawn-out game of whack-a-mole. Kids fight. Eden fusses. Kids provoke one another to anything but love and good works. Someone whines. A drink spills. Too many questions. A failed attempt to point a kid to Christ. Bad attitudes. Someone tracks in mud. Another fight. Whack, whack, smack; trying to keep up with it all. I fell asleep wondering where God's grace was, and how I had missed it. God's grace is real, isn't it? Yes. I awoke this morning, as I usually do, to the insistent beeping of my alarm clock at 6:04, and after shutting it off, my first cognizant thought as I came into consciousness was precisely this: "God is not a man, that He should lie; neither the son of man, that He should change His mind. Has he said, and will He not do it...