My Ebenezer

 I'm pretty sure I have  made it abundantly clear  that live plants and I do not get on together. Historically it has not mattered how much effort I put into caring for plants, their outcome is the same: demise. That said, I nonetheless was inspired to purchase some houseplants last summer, and an orchid was among them. I must have been feeling uncharacteristically brave that day. We brought it home laden down with 7 blooms just simply unapologetic in their beauty. It was almost indecent. And within a week of being on my kitchen windowsill, all 7 blooms had gone to their shrivelly graves. The orchid turned gangly and Josh thought about trimming it way back. I thought about tossing it in the trash; after all, this was further evidence of my deplorable lack of gardening skills. Yet for some reason, I kept the orchid. I'd dust the leaves off every so often and place it insistently in the window, turning its good side toward the sun. I watered it doubtfully every so often. On...

 In my ladies' Bible study, we are studying the book of Isaiah. Wow is that a great book! I had never before tried to plumb the depths of its richness, especially in the first 39 chapters, which can come across kind of doomy-and-gloomy. But there's so much more to it than that! God pleading with his people to return to Him and make Him their trust again. He wants to be their God, the only One they consult and put their trust in.  And so I have been applying these truths to my own life. How often do I google something before I've prayed about it? Or given an answer before I've prayed about it and consulted God? My anxieties run amok in my mind, and where is God? All of these good reminders to seek His face; to make God my trust and my portion.  I've been setting the alarm for 6am, and when it goes off and my soft, warm bed teases me with promises of one more hour of sleep, I remind myself that I'm getting up to spend time with my Lord! By His enabling alone, I th...

If you've ever been asked to lead a discussion or teach about a certain spiritual discipline, you can be sure that the Lord will lovingly bring just that exact topic to the forefront in your own life. He'll graciously put your ugly sinful tendencies "right on Front Street," as my good friend Dara likes to say. This is grace! This is God's kindness to reveal sinful tendencies in our own hearts so that we can repent, seek renewed relationship with God and others, and be used of Him. Here is a story about one such evidence of God's grace to me. Josh and I were late to our small group last night. Oh, we were there . We had technically arrived on time, but we remained in the parking lot of the neighborhood's clubhouse for over 45 minutes before we were able to walk in holding hands. Much later in the evening, on our way home from Grace Group, Eden begged to be the one to fill the boys in on why we were late (the boys had driven separately from a soccer practice...

 I am in Scotland. S C O T L A N D. This is me; Joanna, the one whose comfort zone is within about one square mile, who said she never wanted to leave the USA, who hates to travel on anything public, who nearly hyperventilates at the mere mention of airplanes. How is this possible that I am here? Only by God's grace. Every step in front of the other, every long line, every minute on those airplanes was enabled by God's grace. On my end, it wasn't always pretty--usually it was very ugly--and I may have said, "I can't do this" more times than we could count (Josh had to tell me to quit saying that), but God was faithful to me and I have a really great story about one such miracle to share with you, but for perspective and contrast I have to share a really ugly story first. Here goes:  We dropped off our rental car in Dublin about 11am, and had to ride a shuttle bus back to the Dublin airport to catch our 1:10pm "quick" flight over to Edinburgh, Scotlan...

 In this plate-spinning life I lead (and I admit, I'm not as busy as some other moms I know) it's easy for me to let months go by without updating what is going on. Well it's time for a check-in! This (above) is how I spend most mornings after the boys have gone to school (I should post my routine sometime--that's always a scintillating read! Ha!). Eden and I have what we call Eden and Mommy Time. Original and clever, I know. This is time that is largely spent doing what Eden wants to do, whether that is building with blocks, playing with play-doh, coloring, painting with watercolors (my favorite!), baking a dessert, going to the park, or whatnot. She enjoys the undivided attention immensely.  So many things to say about the simple picture above: My kids go through phases and are into forts these days. Specifically, pillow forts. They frequently summon up all the pillows from every corner of the house and make divided forts in the living room. It's great fun for the...

Have you ever been to a restaurant with a menu so extensive that there are multiple pages and maybe even a table of contents? Or a buffet which offers everything from surf and turf to Chinese to pizza to Beef Stroganoff and everything in between? Do you know what is usually true about these places? They dabble in so many offerings and varieties that they don't do any of it really well. How is the steak at these places? It's ho hum. How about their pizza? Same.  You want a good burger? You probably don't order it here. No, you should go to a restaurant that specializes in burgers. And for pity's sake, don't go to a Burgers-and-Fries restaurant and order a salad; you'll be disappointed for sure!  Wilted iceberg, mealy tomatoes, and some anemic cucumber slices, anyone?  Where am I going with this?  Well, in a lot of ways I was that restaurant these last two years; specializing in so many things that I wasn't doing any of them well. Cooking, cleaning, trying to ...

This morning the Lord worked on my behalf in a big way, and I need to write it down so that Future Me can be encouraged. I wish I could change the names and circumstances to avoid embarrassment, but I can't. Instead, I asked Noah if I could write about it, and he said "Yes. Just don't post it on Facebook." Roger that. It was 9:47am, and I had just called Noah in from outside to give him some further instructions with Eden, so I could give Seth a Reading lesson without interruption. As Noah was standing at the door, he began what I call "man-handling" Eden, which means he was trying to forcibly get her to do what he thought she should be doing, which was to stay on the mat and not get the floor muddy. A good goal, but man-handling never goes well. It doesn't leave the one being forced feeling all rosy and teachable. It usually backfires and causes even more of a fight. Not only does it NOT work, it is also sinful. Plus, I was standing right there. I...

I may be back on a blogging kick; the next few days will tell. I do this though. I have several activities that barely squeeze edgewise into my life and, because I'm doing well to fit them in at all, I most definitely cannot do them all at once. They are, in no particular order: blogging, drawing, reading, decorating, organizing, and grading. Ha! Ho ho! *ahem* You would think grading should be an everyday occurrence like brushing my teeth, but it's not. Just the other day, I sat down to grade papers and realized I hadn't done any since early in Nov*cough*ber.  As a result, there were assignments for a certain student that had fallen through the cracks (ie: hadn't been done) that we had to catch up on. We spent a solid morning last Saturday taking 13 quizzes that had been missed last semester. Yikes! A very big and real part of my life right now could be categorized under Interruptions. For example, I was tweaking the above paragraph (which I had begun just after brea...

I recently had the opportunity to complete this hummingbird, which had been sitting in my sketchbook half-finished for months. What joy God gives me in drawing, and I have to believe I enjoy only a sliver of the joy He felt when He formed these beautiful little birds. All those colors competing for top billing in a bird hardly bigger than an insect! I'm hoping to draw more birds as time allows, and maybe start giving them away as gifts more often.

The irony in a Mother's Day picture like this one is that the most influential contributors to my motherhood are not even pictured! Those would be God and my husband, as well as my own mom. Years I spent at God's feet, asking for children. Look at how He's answered! These kids are far from what I imagined in terms of personality, and also I had No Idea what I was getting myself into with parenting in general. God knew that. But when I see this photo, I see myriad answered prayers. Thank you, God! God is still giving me grace and strength each day. I pray He will turn my messy efforts into something beautiful one day. Josh is the one who snapped this photo. And the other 5 before it. Truth be told, he could have kept going! I know we're not the only family who can't get a decent photo the first time. He's also the one who helps keep my sanity when, by 8:30pm, I'm about to lose it. He's an excellent putter-to-bedder, the best jungle gym and airpla...

Yesterday about this time, I let out a sigh of relief that rivaled any of the previous ones on record. WE FINISHED SCHOOL WITH GOD'S HELP!! Noah finished 6th grade, Seth finished Kindergarten, and hopefully Eden finished her turn as my loose cannon, though I can't say for sure on that one yet. We did go out for milkshakes to celebrate the victory God gave. About mid-September last year, a mere 2 weeks into school, I didn't think I could or even should go on homeschooling. Almost every day since then, I fought a battle in my mind. I can't do this. God can equip me to do this. I don't want to do this. I must do this. Isn't there another way? Big yellow bus, where are you?  I can say, looking back, that God is the only one to whom credit is due for completing this year. It is only by His grace. I'm not really ready to comment beyond that on this past school year. We'll see what God has in store for next year!

"Why don't you take them to the park?" Josh asked. It was an innocent question, born out of enduring a morning full of antsy boredom from our 3 kids. And for some reason, at his suggestion my whole countenance fell. Josh asked me what was the matter, but I couldn't put it into words just then. I silently loaded all three kids into the car, grabbed my journal, and drove to the park. What was wrong with me, anyway? It was the day after Christmas, it was gorgeous weather, and we didn't have school.  I sat down on a bench in the full sun and wrote the following entry in my journal: When Expectations Don't Match Reality As a homeschooler, you spend the bulk of your time planning lessons, soldiering through school days week after week, month after month. There's not much time for house cleaning or personal goals like exercise, art projects, writing, or organizing those areas of life that tend to creep ever downward.  There's not even time for ordin...

I was honored to know a lady named Sara Prigge who, on Tuesday of this week, went home to be with the Lord after a 2 year battle with colon cancer. She went home.  I have to keep saying that because much of the time I live like this world is my home. I forget that my citizenship is, in fact, in heaven. This  right now is what will be the blip on the radar screen of time. These troubles I have now are momentary, light. They are nothing to be compared with the glory that will follow, because what is seen is temporary, and what is unseen is eternal (that's me paraphrasing 2 Cor 4:17-18). I am so thankful to have known Sara and to be encouraged by her example. I wanted to share two of my most important memories of her life and how it touched mine. These are very small things when I see them written out, and I doubt she would have even remembered that either of these happened, but they impacted me. I first met Sara when I was a college student in love with a boy named Josh Ro...

I was sinking again yesterday.  I began the day with every intention of leaning on the Lord for His grace and strength, but by the end of the day was weary and facing discouragement again. I could describe many of my days as one drawn-out game of whack-a-mole. Kids fight. Eden fusses. Kids provoke one another to anything but love and good works. Someone whines. A drink spills. Too many questions. A failed attempt to point a kid to Christ. Bad attitudes. Someone tracks in mud. Another fight. Whack, whack, smack; trying to keep up with it all. I fell asleep wondering where God's grace was, and how I had missed it. God's grace is real, isn't it? Yes. I awoke this morning, as I usually do, to the insistent beeping of my alarm clock at 6:04, and after shutting it off, my first cognizant thought as I came into consciousness was precisely this: "God is not a man, that He should lie; neither the son of man, that He should change His mind. Has he said, and will He not do it...

There have been a lot of things that have happened in the last several months that I have either not had time to write about, or that I didn't want to write about for whatever reason. I figured I'd cover a few of those in this post. It may be long and rather disjointed, kind of like the 7 o'clock news where you may hear--in no particular order--about anything from an elephant escaping from the zoo, to a political faux pas, to a major catastrophe. Thankfully, I don't have any of those to report about. This year has been interesting health-wise. (I dislike the word "interesting", probably because my 11th grade Creative Writing teacher frowned upon it so heavily.) At the beginning of the year, Josh and I were concerned that something might seriously be wrong with me. I was exhausted all the time, was experiencing daily abdominal pain/bloating/indigestion, and some other things as well. After multiple visits to the doctor, a colonoscopy in May (all clear, pra...

The only way I know of to ingrain the alto part of a choir arrangement into my thick skull is to practice it over and over again. This means sitting at the piano for what accumulates to hours, beating out just the alto line repeatedly until it becomes my own song and I can't hear it any other way. I pity my poor family who has to listen to this process, for the alto line is typically a very boring part all by itself. Still, it adds such depth to the soprano part that I love singing it. The extra benefit of all this repetition is that I get to dwell on the words of the song, as that's what I'm singing as I attempt to get the notes right. The other day I was browning ground beef for tacos as the alto line I had been practicing marched through my thoughts, punctuating each push of my spatula. Before I knew it, my spirits were lifting out of the murky quagmire that had been my grueling homeschool day. "You who wove me into being in Your likeness, jeweled with worth; Y...

Yesterday the Lord gave me the privilege of leading our neighbor to the Lord! While it was such a blessing to see Diane receive forgiveness and salvation in Christ and I don't think I'll ever forget it, another very real blessing that I am in danger of forgetting is the Lord's goodness in my own life as I saw Him orchestrate the afternoon to even make this possible. (That may be a run-on sentence, but ask me if I care! It says what I want it to say! Read some of Romans if you want some really good run-ons. :) ) Here is what I specifically saw the Lord do to orchestrate my own Esther moment. "For such a time as this..." 1. We had no evening church service scheduled, so we were all home 2.  Matt had preached a message that morning, not primarily on salvation, but on love for others.  Diane has been struggling in her life to love her extended family members, as she sees some pretty painful situations play out in the lives of her grandkids. She has been attendin...

I seem to be receiving the same test from the Lord with perpetual red ink across the top reading, "Do-over." "F--See Me after class!"  I came here to write about something and found I have already written about this same thing multiple times.  Different circumstances, same bottom-line lesson. Why can't I learn the lesson?  I felt the same way when we were struggling with infertility. Month after month on an endless roller coaster of "Will you trust Me?" "Yes, I mean, no...I mean, yes." Let me back up. Last week I heard for the first time a song called, "As Long As You Are Glorified." (Jen, if you're reading this and approve, I'd like to sing it next time I'm scheduled for special music) I sang it all week long. Here are the lyrics. I dare you not to be convicted! "Shall I take from Your hand Your blessings, Yet not welcome any pain? Shall I thank you for days of sunshine, Yet grumble in days of rain? Shal...

Things sort of came to a head last night.  There have been several trials in my life recently that have been testing me to show where I put my faith. I have failed each one, and been shown that my faith was in myself.  God used my husband to point these things out to me, and while it is never easy to confront or point out someone else's sin, praise God Josh did it anyway. Last night we went to Chick-fil-a for dinner with our kids.  We were supposed to have had a date, but Eden woke up that morning with a cold, and we couldn't subject the babysitter to that.  So there we were as a family, the boys fighting about ev.er.y.thing, snotty-nosed Eden on my left, who was also grabbing for my salad and threatening to spill it everywhere, and Seth on my right, who was complaining of stomach discomfort.  Great.  Me in the middle with stomach pain of my own (I've been struggling with daily stomach pain).  Finally, it had gotten to be too much.  "It."  ...

Not U-P-S as in, United Parcel Service, but "ups" as in the plural form of "up". Ups and Downs, but in this case I want to write about the Ups. Ahem. Anyway... God is slowly but surely pulling me out of the perpetual funk I was in.  I'm telling you, for a while there it was looking pretty dark.  Not that what I was going through was especially challenging or monumental, just that it felt that way. Life was overwhelming me.  I felt like I was suffocating, had no way to get help, and no one noticed. Every obstacle was insurmountable, every daily detail was too much.  It was oppressive. But God. God, who promises to be faithful, IS. I'm so thankful that He loves me and that He pulls believers out of pits, even pits of their own making.  I've been studying Exodus with the ladies in our church, and it is such a blessing to see God working on behalf of His people.  He hears them when they sigh and when they cry out to Him.  He works on their behalf...