My Ebenezer

I got my first glimpse of our baby at my ultrasound this morning!  (Forgive the glare on my photo: it's a picture of the picture.  I can't scan.)  He/she doesn't look like much at this point, but it was a beautiful sight to me.  Little One measures about half a centimeter long; that little bright spot between the 2 crosses is the heart. And it was beating!  Isn't God wondrous? Praise the Lord!! Josh and I are a little sad because just seeing one baby means that the other one died (remember, they transferred 2), but we know that the Lord is in control even of that little life, and we REJOICE in the one that is still alive! Keep praying--I'm not out of the woods yet.  The doctor wants to see me again next week for another scan, and he said that after that point the miscarriage rate drops greatly.  Probably then, if all is well, we will make our news public.  Though as I write this, probably half the world knows anyway; I've had a hard...

Last weekend Josh, Noah, and I headed to Greenville, SC for our 10 year college reunion. Class reunions are funny things.  On the one hand, Josh and I were excited to see our classmates from college, but on the other hand we almost chickened out in the parking lot just before the reunion started.  "What if we don't know anybody?  What if we can't remember their names?  What if no one remembers us?  Our fears were unfounded, though.  Not only did I recognize everyone, but I even remembered a lot of their names, and was surprised at how many remembered me too.  While we didn't see any of our really close friends from college, we did see a fair number of people that we had known decently well, and were able to catch up with them. Other highlights from our weekend in Greenville included a hike on Paris Mountain, a walk through Reedy River Park, a haircut from my fabulous sister-in-law Andrea (oddly I didn't take a photo of that), and getting to talk wi...

Today I am 6 weeks pregnant.  Is it me, or is time standing still?  Maybe it just feels that way because I have an ultrasound scheduled for Friday, and it's taking forever to get here.  :)  Lord-willing by then, we should be able to see a heartbeat or two to reassure me that this all is more than just a really good dream. With the exception of a cold that I came down with yesterday, I feel pretty good so far.  With Noah's pregnancy I was sick by this point.  I'm trying not to let the fact that I feel pretty much great worry me.  Keep trusting the Lord, right? Right.

Noah:  "Daddy, is it true that if people laugh too hard they will cry?" Josh:  "Yes.  That happens!" Noah:  "So then if you cry too hard, will it make you laugh?"

Who would have thought pre-schoolers would get a spring break?  Not me, but nevertheless this week we find ourselves not having to rush out the door every morning, and spending all day everyday together.  It's been nice actually. Yesterday was Laundry Day, so we had Brianne and Titus come over for the morning.  That way the kids could play and I could sort, load, transfer, fold, and put away to my heart's content. Today we went to the zoo!  Along with everyone else in Jacksonville. :)  Jen and I took our kids and a lunch and spent a beautiful couple of hours there.   Lord-willing later in the week we plan to go to Greenville, SC for our 10 year college reunion.  How is that even possible?

For the past 4 years I have been daydreaming about how I would share this news on my blog.  Would I be witty? Cute? Sappy? Creative?  However, I am finding that when God has at last answered your dearest, longest-standing, most fervent prayer request, you really don't have the composure to be creative or any of the rest.  No beating around the bush for me. I am pregnant!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!! This is nothing short of a miracle from God, and the shock of it has taken a few days to sink in.  In fact, it is still sinking in.  I still feel as though I am dreaming.  Best. Dream. Ever. :)  Telling Noah was one of the best parts.  Here is a child who has been praying for this every single time he prays since he was able to talk, and God answered!  Noah literally jumped up and down, he was that excited. "You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and girded me with gladness, That my soul may sing praise t...

We had the blessing over the weekend of hosting a family in our home from Josh's home church in CT.  They have 6 school-age children, and were passing through on their way to Orlando.  We had such a great visit with them!! I barely saw Noah because he was constantly playing with one or more of the kids.  As usual, I didn't take a single photo of the event, though I'm kicking myself now, because there were so many shots I could have taken: How about the one where 4 of the kids slept on one queen-sized air mattress on Noah's floor? Or the one where Matt and 3 or 4 of the kids piled into the kayak and went for a ride? Or one of the buffet lines we created at mealtime. Feeding 15 people (including Matt and Jen's family gets interesting! And fun!) Even a great group shot.  But no.  I'm the one with the camera, often in my hand, who forgets to take pictures.  Maybe I'll go snag a photo of their family from FB: Anyway, a fun time was had by all. :)

I wanted to get this written while I'm still on this side of the results.  This is a unique place to be--this not knowing.  You want to believe that the Lord will answer your prayer, but you're scared to hope lest those hopes crash down around you in broken shards. I have not been the most stable person over the last week.  One minute I'm convinced I'm pregnant (the progesterone shots alone will do that to you), the next minute I'm convinced I'm not, and already trying not to be too discouraged.  The minute after that I remind myself that these 2 little lives are God's anyway, and I can trust Him to do what is best for me, for my family, and for His glory.  That last thought is the only sane one in the bunch, and is the only one that frees me from the bondage of  What Ifs.  Here are some stabilizing truths that I've had to come back to over and over again, as I turn my mind battles over to the Lord minute-by-minute (second-by-second?). God is in co...

I haven't been taking too many pictures of my little Noah-Son lately.  Been kind of distracted.  BUT he's still here, still as energetic as ever, and I love him so much! Lately with my restricted activity, we've been into puzzles.  Only I have little attention span for the kid puzzles with pieces as big as Noah's hand, so we've been delving into Grown-Up Puzzles.  Ones with at least 400 small pieces, with lots of grass or water or trees....the ones that are actually kind of hard.  Noah fits right in though! (get it?  Sorry that was awful.)  He works at it and is triumphant when he finds where a piece goes.  The puzzle pictured above was perfect for us because it had larger pieces mixed into the same puzzle with little pieces, making it really family-friendly.

Noah and I recently finished reading Charlie and The Chocolate Factory , by Roald Dahl.  This one was probably Noah's biggest challenge yet, with trying to keep the characters straight ("Mommy, which one was Veruca Salt? Was she the one who just had to scream and her dad got her whatever she wanted?"), but the two of us really enjoyed it all the same. I found it to be a surprisingly accurate commentary on today's children, though the book was published in 1964.  Each child in the book is a caricature of what can happen as a result of bad parenting.  So not only did it entertain, but it provided a gentle rebuke for my parenting techniques.  Even better. Here's what I mean: "The most important thing we've learned, So far as children are concerned, Is never, Never, NEVER let Them near your television set-- Or better still, just don't install The idiotic thing at all. In almost every house we've been, We've watched them gaping a...

To those who were praying for us, THANK YOU!  The transfer went very very well this morning.  Despite a bad night of sleep for me, the Lord gave me such a calm and peaceful spirit before, during, and after.  I was home by 10am, and I have been on bed rest for the whole day.  I dusted off my chick flicks (hello, Pride and Prejudice! Nice to see you again!), and parked myself on the couch, praising the Lord for Matt and Jen, who were so kind to pick up Noah from school and watch him at their house for the afternoon. I am now what IVF'ers call PUPO, or Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise.  Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?   I have to say, it is a GREAT feeling!  I thank the Lord for the privilege of carrying these two babies for whatever length of time He gives me.  I hope and pray that it is 9 months!!  Keep us in your prayers, please!  It is all up to God whether these little babies make it or not. And now all we have to do is wait...

We got our fertilization report back early this morning:  there are 4 embryos!  Praise the Lord!  Lord-willing we plan to transfer two of them tomorrow (Friday) morning at 8am, and then freeze the other two for a future transfer.  Praying and hoping beyond hope that we will be blessed with another child (or children!!) to hold here on earth.  Will you pray with us? "For the LORD God is a sun and shield; The LORD gives grace and glory; No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. "  Psalm 84:11

Hi folks, it's me again with another IVF update.  I realize this blog has turned into IVF Central lately, but it's kind of on my mind these days.  Understatement of the year.  I hope to bring you more varied content soon, but for now I'm on this roller-coaster, so I might as well put my hands up and ride!  If you know me in real life, you know that white-knuckling it is more my style on roller coasters.  Or better yet, not even getting on at all. :) At my appointment this morning, I had a small change of plans.  The egg retrieval is still scheduled for Tues (that's TOMORROW!!), but the embryo transfer will now likely be on Sunday.  I had assumed that it would be a 3-day transfer like I had before (which would be Friday), but it turns out Dr. W. favors 5-day transfers.  You learn something new every day. SO.  Barring unforeseen circumstances, my transfer should be Sunday unless you hear differently from me on Thursday, which is a real poss...

I got a call from my IVF clinic today, and was informed that the egg retrieval would be on Tuesday, Lord-willing.  This will probably mean an embryo transfer on Friday, but I'll keep you posted to be sure.  In the meantime, would you join me in praying for the "right" number of eggs (God knows how many that is) to be retrieved and mature into embryos?  Thanks a million!

We're coming to the crest of the hill on this IVF cycle.  My shots have been going well (as well as shots can go! I wouldn't recommend self-administered shots, just in case you were wondering), and the patches aren't too bad either, with the exception of being exceedingly itchy.  Praise the Lord, my emotions and crazy thoughts and dreams have been much tamer (more tame? Grammar, anyone?) this week as well, which I attribute to the prayers of so many of you.  Thank you for praying!!! I heard from our nurse this afternoon, and she said it's looking like the egg retrieval will be either Tues or Wed (the 28th or 29th).  We'll know which one by Monday, Lord-willing.  If you have been praying for us, please continue!  I am getting very excited, and hope and pray and pray and hope that God will use this to grow our family.

Today has been VERY windy.  Must be a cold front moving through or something.  Anyway, here's my conversation with Noah on the way across the parking lot from school to our car: Me:  "Wow, it's really windy out here today, Noah!  Did you blow away on the playground today?" Noah:  "No.  It's a good thing God made us so heavy, isn't it?  So we don't blow away!"

Some have been asking me how I feel these days, and what IVF is like to go through.  In a word, it's Intense.  While I'm feeling physically fine now that I'm off those  yucky pills , emotionally and spiritually things have begun to heat up. IVF creates the perfect storm of obsession.  You take a couple who have been trying for years to have a baby, include all their stalled hopes and dreams and plans, add a rigorous and exacting time schedule which must be synchronized and followed perfectly, throw in several dozen self-administered hormone shots (which mess with your emotions), and make it cost thousands of dollars (no pressure to have it work or anything!  If it works, it was the best money we could have spent.  If not?  Well, we don't even want to think about that right now...), and you pretty much have the recipe for Obsession  IVF in a nutshell. I find myself praying over this cycle almost every waking minute.  Which I guess is goo...

Playing the piano has become for me a retreat of sorts; a mini-vacation and a mental relaxer.  This morning as I was practicing, I played through the hymn "Redeemed, How I Love To Proclaim It" and was encouraged by one of the verses, which has been repeating constantly through my head ever since: "I know I shall see in His beauty the King in whose law I delight, who lovingly guardeth my footsteps and giveth me songs in the night." I will see Him one day--the One who has taken perfect care of me throughout my earthly life! Amen!

Ever have one of those days you wish you could do over?  Valentine's Day was like that for me.  I spaced on getting valentines for Noah's classmates, and as a result he was one of the only kids who didn't give them out.  He didn't notice this oversight at all, but I blushed when he brought home a giant sack of candy and cards from his classmates.  Oops. And I had made the colossal mistake last Sunday of verbally downplaying the importance of Valentine's Day in front of Josh, and so when Josh came home on Valentine's Day bearing a single stem with 4 very small roses on it, thinking he had sufficiently fulfilled his romantic duty, I was under-enthused.  That's putting it too  kindly.  I was a selfish brat about it, and I hurt his feelings.  Honest much? :)  Really, the flower he chose is very pretty, and I am so thankful now, but I wasn't at the time.  To my shame and embarrassment, it was not one of my shining moments. God reminded...

Daisy came into our lives quite unexpectedly almost 3 weeks ago.  We were walking in to church (we meet at a community club house), and were met by three kittens--"teenage cats" as Noah called them--who were the friendliest things I'd ever seen.  The manager said they had been dropped off there and abandoned by someone that week, and he had been feeding them.  He said that they were free to anyone who wanted them. I taught my Sunday School class outside that day, and the three little children could barely concentrate on the lesson, because these cats kept coming up and rubbing on them and purring.  Seriously, folks, what cat in its right mind is friendly to 3 kids ages 4 and under?  I rest my case.  These clearly had to be The Friendliest Cats In The World.  I was smitten, and by the end of the morning, we had decided to take one home. Now why did we name her Daisy?  Earlier that week, I had sent some daisies to my mom to cheer her up in the...