My Ebenezer

The only way I know of to ingrain the alto part of a choir arrangement into my thick skull is to practice it over and over again. This means sitting at the piano for what accumulates to hours, beating out just the alto line repeatedly until it becomes my own song and I can't hear it any other way. I pity my poor family who has to listen to this process, for the alto line is typically a very boring part all by itself. Still, it adds such depth to the soprano part that I love singing it. The extra benefit of all this repetition is that I get to dwell on the words of the song, as that's what I'm singing as I attempt to get the notes right. The other day I was browning ground beef for tacos as the alto line I had been practicing marched through my thoughts, punctuating each push of my spatula. Before I knew it, my spirits were lifting out of the murky quagmire that had been my grueling homeschool day. "You who wove me into being in Your likeness, jeweled with worth; Y...

We don't often visit the skate park at our local park. There are several reasons, none of which sound good or reasonable to my 11-year-old.  So when Noah asked me last week for the twelfth time if we could go to the skate park, I made an appointment to take him and Seth at 8:30 the following Saturday. (I figured that was before it got too hot, and also before the tattooed, pierced, smoking, and usually foul-mouthed crowd that usually hangs out there would show up.) We wrote it on the calendar for all to see. In the interest of honesty, I'm going to tell you that I dreaded this event all week long. No lingering over coffee in my nightgown over here! Well, as strongly as I dreaded it, my boys looked forward to it. Noah kept checking with me every evening to remind me that I had promised to take them to the skate park on Saturday. And this morning he couldn't wait.  We arrived at 8:29, and there was just one group of people there: a family with boys their ages. Must ha...

I just wasn't feeling it. I didn't want a repeat of the last 26 days of school. Get up. Attempt to exercise (it's HARD to work out when you haven't done it in 3 years! Everything jiggles. But I digress). Make breakfast, chug my coffee (wouldn't it be nice to linger over a cup of coffee one day?), shower. Take Eden to the babysitter. And then be pulled 6 directions at once as I blunder to oversee sixth grade, K-5, and a household. Explain things, hold kids accountable, yell a few times. Pick Eden up. Make lunch, another cup of coffee, break up 4 fights in an hour, and go on multiple tirades until every last math problem is answered correctly. Don't you wish I was your teacher? * Ahem .* (I freely admit I'm going to need to fix some things!) So last night, I decided we'd take a field trip to the zoo today. And we did. I homeschool, and it's good to take off the tunnel-vision-blinders every once in a while and remember that we can go places...

Flabbergast: verb , to surprise someone greatly; astonish That was me today. I have been patiently painfully trying to teach Seth how to read. To put it mildly, it hasn't been going well.  If you are familiar with the BJU press K5 curriculum, you are aware of Service Words.  These are words that are commonly used that are very difficult to "sound out" and so they must simply be memorized; words like the, here, come, said , and so on. Recognizing letters (and so therefore reading in general) does not come easily for Seth. We have been beating our heads against the wall over here a little bit. Until today! I was quizzing him on the words for this week, and after some pretty discouraging sessions, he suddenly quit confusing the words the and here . He was actually getting them right ! I was thrilled. YAY! We were finally getting somewhere. Or so I thought... As a final round victory lap, I held up the card which said the .  Seth gave me a blank stare. "Come on, Set...

My whole body just released a sigh of relief as I watched my trusty blog template open up a fresh page for me to write on. Can you believe I've been writing in here for 10 years? Josh took the kids to Academy to buy some soccer cleats for the boys, and so I am sitting in my favorite IKEA chair by my bed. I've turned on classical music, and I'm just soaking it in. My soul needs some soothing today. For reasons I can't fully explain, I have been really depressed lately. God is good; I intellectually assent to that fact, but in the details comprising each long day you wouldn't be able to tell that from my life or attitude. I am trying to home school Noah (6th grade) and Seth (Kindergarten) and still manage Eden. I think back to the year Noah and I began home schooling. He was in 2nd grade, my gap-toothed little academic sponge. We loved it. Four years later, home schooling has disintegrated into a flimsy imitation of what it used to be. If I'm going to be hones...

Yesterday the Lord gave me the privilege of leading our neighbor to the Lord! While it was such a blessing to see Diane receive forgiveness and salvation in Christ and I don't think I'll ever forget it, another very real blessing that I am in danger of forgetting is the Lord's goodness in my own life as I saw Him orchestrate the afternoon to even make this possible. (That may be a run-on sentence, but ask me if I care! It says what I want it to say! Read some of Romans if you want some really good run-ons. :) ) Here is what I specifically saw the Lord do to orchestrate my own Esther moment. "For such a time as this..." 1. We had no evening church service scheduled, so we were all home 2.  Matt had preached a message that morning, not primarily on salvation, but on love for others.  Diane has been struggling in her life to love her extended family members, as she sees some pretty painful situations play out in the lives of her grandkids. She has been attendin...

This was taken Saturday night, after our babysitter cancelled our date.  We decided to take all the kids to the restaurant we had already chosen--Chuy's. Despite a 30-minute wait for our food (with Eden, that feels like 30 hours), we enjoyed the time together. Noah had fun snapping this selfie, and it helped pass the time a little.

This morning Noah was hoping to be allowed onto our shed roof to retrieve one of our bunnies (long story), but when Josh gave Seth the opportunity instead, Noah didn't take it too well. Boy is that an understatement.  It took us probably a half hour of correctional efforts, talking with him, pointing out and expositing to him to 3 or 4 passages of Scripture, repeating the gospel to him, and praying with him before he was finally able to move on with the day without a scowl. To be honest, I'm still not entirely sure we were able to get his heart to agree with what I was telling him. That's between him and God at this point. I pray that it wasn't a waste. At the time, I thought the whole thing was kind of silly and blown out of proportion.  Who cares about the shed roof thing? Why is that such a big deal? Get over it, right? But you know, it doesn't matter what the idol of the heart is; if you think that fill-in-the-blank is what it's going to take to make you ...

Josh has been encouraging me to develop some interests I have, and not be so burnt out with the daily work that I have. Laundry, dishes, and dusting will always be there waiting for me, so I might as well take a little time for some relaxation. It's about balance, right? I signed up for a drawing class online ($15!!) and I can go at my own pace, which so far has meant a lesson about every three weeks or so. I'm not going to set any time records, but that's okay. Here's what I've done so far in the class:

This is Ethel here. I'm 73, and I just wanted to tell you about my hiatal hernia. Isn't a hiatal hernia something that, well, old people get? It belongs in the same conversation as osteoporosis, arthritis, and glaucoma. Or so I thought. It turns out, thirty-seven-year-olds can have hiatal hernias too.  Like me. This is Joanna here. I'm 37, and I just wanted to tell you about my hiatal hernia. For the last year or so, or really ever since Eden was born, I have been dealing with upper abdominal pain on a daily basis, coupled with anemia. The pain was very hard to describe, and not super severe, so I tried to ignore it for a while. But in January, Josh sent me to the doctor to ask about it, and hence we started down a road of blood tests and doctor visits.  I ended up in a GI doctor's office, who then recommended a colonoscopy and endoscopy to diagnose the issue. Now, the colonoscopy I'll just have to save for another post, because... have you ever had one? You...

This Mother's Day, Josh's gift to me was to take one for the team--our team.  Both Seth and Eden came down with fevers yesterday, and so they had to stay home from church with someone today. While normally I am the obvious choice, I was scheduled for nursery duty during Sunday School, and felt bad about cancelling last minute.  So we decided I would go to Sunday School and then come home and relieve Josh, and he would attend the main service.  But then he remembered that there was to be a special Mother's Day lunch afterward, and he would feel incredibly dumb there by himself enjoying the food (and cheesecake!) while I was at home with 2 sick kids.  So as I was heading out the door, he told me just to stay the whole time! That was so sweet of him, don't you think?  I worked in the nursery (just one baby in there today!), enjoyed hearing Noah sing in the children's choir, listened to a really good message from Prov 31, and sat down to eat my salad and cheesecake ...

I posted this picture on Facebook with a caption that read "Last day of school! Fifth grade is complete." I went my way and a little while later it occurred to me that I hadn't mentioned the Lord or given Him credit of any kind! I went back to my post and added that I'm thankful for God's grace.  Sometimes I am startled by my lack of God-consciousness that is manifest in my life every day.  Lord, help me always think on You! But anyway, it is truly only by God's grace that we made it through this year. Probably the number one challenge this year was Eden.  I followed a schedule that we loved at the beginning of the year, but its demise was its heavy reliance on Eden's morning nap.  Mid-Novermber, when Eden gave up that nap, we struggled for several weeks fitting in things like Bible reading, Chemistry/Physics class for Noah, and basic housecleaning (dirty dishes for days!). I'll be honest; I also struggled with my attitude during those weeks.  Wha...

Look at that face! It's been a while since I took a picture of just Seth, or even since I have written a post about him.  I'm going to start with something that sounds kind of critical, but bear with me; I'm going somewhere with this. Seth is now 5 and a half, and cannot count to 20 without making a mistake (he always says 14, 15, 16, 19, 20).  When he gets to a number like 40, he'll instead say "30-10." As in: 37, 38, 39, 30-10. (which actually shows me he gets the concept, but he can't remember that you make a new number: 30, 40, 50, etc). He does not know very many of the letters or their sounds.  He struggles to hold a pencil correctly.  He has a bear of a time trying to memorize anything. To think I will have to teach him to read makes me apprehensive. Understatement.  However, the depth of the questions he asks shows me that he is a thinker, and he demonstrates that he is very smart in an outside-the-box kind of way. He's pretty contemplat...

In this picture I see: An impromptu snack right before bed A brother who has a tender spot in his heart for his sister. (He made up a little jingle that goes, "I love ya, I love ya, I love ya, love ya, love ya--Yay!" He sings it to her when she fusses.  Which is a lot.) A mom who is really. tired. A kitchen floor needing some attention. And I want to remember that right before this picture was taken, Eden had seen me sitting on the floor, and did that thing that is instinctive to toddlers; she backed up to me and sat on my lap.  I think this is hard-wired into kids before they are born.  Back-back-back-sit.  Like a truck with a back-up signal. That's one of those things you just don't want to forget.

Sometimes I startle myself with my meanness.  No, really. Just today at the lunch table, Eden was fussing (are you surprised?), Noah was bossing, and Seth was making weird sound effects and clanging a spoon on the table at the same time. "ENOUGH!" I yelled.  "I. Can't. Handle. Any. More!!" 'Cause that's just the sweetheart I am. I begin to think my problem lies when the noisiness of my children clashes with my craving for silence. And maybe it does to some extent, but I think truly when this happens, there's some soul noise of my own that needs to be dealt with.  Fast forward an hour later when Noah is occupied with Grammy over his Math lesson, and Eden and Seth are down for a rest.  Now it is quiet, and I have a minute to finish my chapter in the book I have been reading, Loving the Little Years .  Imagine my shock when I came across this passage that seems like the author was reading my mind: "You feel like the only thing you do all day ...

Jen and I were talking last night about how easy it is to forget whole stages and seasons of your life.  She recounted that she had found an old journal from 2014 and had read the entries about her kids.  Libby was just 2 years old.  In the trenches of that situation (with 4 kids ranging in age from 1 to 5), no doubt she thought she'd never forget some of those times.  The reality is that, though she may never forget that her theme from that era was "exhaustion" or "dependence on God," she had forgotten that Libby used to grunt at people and other such things.  It made me remember that I have a blog, that this place is so useful, that when I want to, I can look back and remember the events that I thought I'd never be able to forget, and yet I do.  So here's what I need to remember for now: 1. We made cards for Josh's birthday yesterday, and I, in a moment of uncharacteristic abandon, let the kids haul out my big craft box; the one with all the s...

I seem to be receiving the same test from the Lord with perpetual red ink across the top reading, "Do-over." "F--See Me after class!"  I came here to write about something and found I have already written about this same thing multiple times.  Different circumstances, same bottom-line lesson. Why can't I learn the lesson?  I felt the same way when we were struggling with infertility. Month after month on an endless roller coaster of "Will you trust Me?" "Yes, I mean, no...I mean, yes." Let me back up. Last week I heard for the first time a song called, "As Long As You Are Glorified." (Jen, if you're reading this and approve, I'd like to sing it next time I'm scheduled for special music) I sang it all week long. Here are the lyrics. I dare you not to be convicted! "Shall I take from Your hand Your blessings, Yet not welcome any pain? Shall I thank you for days of sunshine, Yet grumble in days of rain? Shal...

Things sort of came to a head last night.  There have been several trials in my life recently that have been testing me to show where I put my faith. I have failed each one, and been shown that my faith was in myself.  God used my husband to point these things out to me, and while it is never easy to confront or point out someone else's sin, praise God Josh did it anyway. Last night we went to Chick-fil-a for dinner with our kids.  We were supposed to have had a date, but Eden woke up that morning with a cold, and we couldn't subject the babysitter to that.  So there we were as a family, the boys fighting about ev.er.y.thing, snotty-nosed Eden on my left, who was also grabbing for my salad and threatening to spill it everywhere, and Seth on my right, who was complaining of stomach discomfort.  Great.  Me in the middle with stomach pain of my own (I've been struggling with daily stomach pain).  Finally, it had gotten to be too much.  "It."  ...

Not U-P-S as in, United Parcel Service, but "ups" as in the plural form of "up". Ups and Downs, but in this case I want to write about the Ups. Ahem. Anyway... God is slowly but surely pulling me out of the perpetual funk I was in.  I'm telling you, for a while there it was looking pretty dark.  Not that what I was going through was especially challenging or monumental, just that it felt that way. Life was overwhelming me.  I felt like I was suffocating, had no way to get help, and no one noticed. Every obstacle was insurmountable, every daily detail was too much.  It was oppressive. But God. God, who promises to be faithful, IS. I'm so thankful that He loves me and that He pulls believers out of pits, even pits of their own making.  I've been studying Exodus with the ladies in our church, and it is such a blessing to see God working on behalf of His people.  He hears them when they sigh and when they cry out to Him.  He works on their behalf...

This is Eden at breakfast time on her birthday.  We don't have a cute cake smash photo yet because I haven't made her cake yet!  Josh and the boys were supposed to fly out on Friday evening (E's birthday), so it made birthday-celebrating a little harder.  I thought about making a cake, but I knew we'd eat part of it and then they'd fly out of town and leave me face-to-face with a cake. That I would eat. All. By. Myself.  In the interest of self-control, I decided not to give myself that temptation, and we waited to celebrate.  Eden didn't know the difference anyway, and this way we'll combine her birthday with Seth's next week, Lord-willing. Here are some fun facts about Eden at one year old: We call her "E" most of the time She says 4 words, "Uh-oh," "Bubbye," "Ball," and "Mama" She takes 2 naps and sleeps usually 11 hours at night. :) Her favorite foods are fruits; pears, bananas, oranges, ...