My Ebenezer

This is a short version of Eden's birth story, a little of my recovery, and how we chose her name. Birth Story and Recovery (the rosy, less messy version): We had planned a c-section for November 15, due to my having had 2 prior c-sections--the magic number when it comes to the possibility of natural birth, at least with my set of doctors.  During the final weeks of pregnancy I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and ready to give birth, so I started praying that I'd go into labor on my own.  I didn't really think it would happen, in part because Noah and Seth were both born on their due dates, and my c-section was scheduled for the 15th, two days prior to my due date. Thursday, November 10 started out normally. I did a major grocery shopping trip, cleaned out and vacuumed our car, put away clutter, and mopped the kitchen floor (nesting much?).  I then laid down propped myself up for a short nap.  When I woke up at 3pm, I felt a little crampy, so I decide...

"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate." Psalm 127:4-5 I used to wonder how a person could know when their quiver was full.  I'd overhear moms conversing at the park. Always nonchalant, but always adamant, as if the choice were really up to them; "Oh, we are so done.  No more kids for us." I'd puzzle over that for a while because no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't relate.  All I've ever known through my married life is the pining after children.  One, then two, then a third.  I thought I would never be satisfied, like the barren womb in Proverbs which never cries, "Enough!"  I thought that I'd always want one more.  Even when I was pregnant with Noah and then with Seth, I'd feel pangs of heartache at the thought that this could be the last time I...

Way to leave a blog mid-story and go dark for 6 months, right? I have no excuse for myself except to say let's just pick up and move on, shall we?  It would help me if I didn't have to recap all of what has happened in the last half year. The Lord answered those prayers way back in March, and I'm now almost 7 months pregnant with...a baby GIRL!  I can't begin to tell you how excited we are to welcome a girl into our family in mid-November, Lord-willing. And now, let's get back to what this blog has been about: sharing my thoughts, events, and lessons learned. Stay tuned!

This is a story all about the miraculous power of our God.  I've been dwelling on Psalm 104 some lately, and yesterday I saw it played out in real life. "[Man and the animals] all wait for You to give them their food in due season. You give to them, they gather it up; You open Your hand, they are satisfied with good. You hide Your face, they are dismayed; You take away their spirit, they expire and return to the dust. You send forth Your Spirit, they are created; and You renew the face of the ground ."  Ps. 104:27-30 Yesterday I had my embryo transfer.  It did not start out on a good note.  Dr. W. pulled us into his office for the usual pre-transfer briefing, and before we had even sat down, he matter-of-factly stated that we only had one remaining embryo out of my 4 that were doing well last Friday.  "So, Joanna, we'll just transfer the one today, Joanna."  He likes to use my name copiously in every conversation.  Josh and I joke abo...

As of this morning we were in the middle of an IVF cycle, and then, like a really good dream, it was cancelled this afternoon just when it was getting to the good part. I was already prepared for everything we needed to do next; miraculously I was even mentally ready to give myself the monster shots they call progesterone, and then to eagerly await Monday's transfer and the long-awaited PUPO (Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise) status. I knew when I saw the nurse's number pop up on my phone that this would not be a good call.  I was right. "Your progesterone levels are already too high," she said.  Her voice was lacking its familiar cheerful sound. "I"m very sorry. We're going to have to cancel this cycle." She began telling me what to do next, which surprisingly still included giving myself those dreadful shots.  I was in a fog.  Surely she didn't just tell me to start the shots tomorrow!  But she did. All so we can clean the slate and start a...

Noah appeared from his room this morning while I was reading my Bible, and found two wrapped gifts under our Christmas tree.  One bearing his name, one with Seth's. "Why does Seth get the biggest one?" came the inevitable question. Human nature, and I had seen it coming. Had predicted the night before that he would say exactly that. Like any normal parent, I said something snide like, "If you're not going to be thankful, I'll just return it to the store and you won't get anything."  Who hasn't heard that from their parent's mouth at least once? It has a way of nipping in the bud any more unthankful comments. I went back to my Bible reading in Deuteronomy 8.  I had been reading all about the faithfulness of God in leading the Israelites through the desert; how He gave them manna which they knew not, to test them, to show them what was in their hearts.  To remind them that man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds ...

In parenting, sometimes I wonder if all the everything is worth it--will be worth it--in the end.  And then I have a conversation like the one below, and it is. Worth it, I mean. Me, getting Seth ready for pseudo naptime (you know, where I put him down and he doesn't sleep, but it makes me feel better to do so anyway?).  I sing "Away in a Manger". All three verses.  Afterward, Seth: "Why Jesus have no bed?" Me: "Well, there was no room for Him in any of the hotels. God planned it that way, and Jesus had to be born with all the animals." Seth: "He should come sleep in my bed!" I tell you, it makes all the stuff I deal with on a regular basis worth it.  

This morning while Josh and Noah were at a church work day, Seth wanted to watch "George Muh'mee" (George the Monkey).  I'm trying to keep him from turning into a couch potato at the early age of two, so we wandered out into our yard instead to see what we could do with ourselves.   It's been hotter than I like November to be, but I remind myself that we live in Florida and we do have some gorgeous winters, even if summer does last 9 months. :) After a while, I glanced down at the base of our lamp post and saw that it was surrounded by weeds.  I focused my attention from there to the whole yard, and was astonished to see weeds everywhere.  I've seen them before I guess; every day in fact, as I go and come from our various busyness.  But I've ignored them, let them grow, seen them as synonymous with grass (they're both green!), until now they're almost choking out the grass that is trying to grow.  I took a deep breath and knelt down to begin pull...

I have crossed over into the modern age, I guess.  I finally caved in to my husband's pressure and got a smart phone!  I always maintained that I would never own one.  I loathe seeing people sit around in the presence of other people, everyone ignoring everyone, everyone engrossed so deeply in their own phones that they pay no attention to the people around them.  I see this in restaurants--a family out to eat at Ruby Tuesday, each member silently absorbed in his own personal device.  And don't get me started on kids with cell phones. *rolls eyes* However. I have recently come to the realization that, used correctly, I could actually be a lot more friendly with a smart phone.  Like when my friends text me a link to something and I can't open it on my regular cell phone.  I then have to take the phone over to my computer and manually type in the web address, hoping I get every jot and tittle in the correct order.  Not happening. So I'm not open...

Noah begs me every year to carve a pumpkin.  Ah, yes, carving pumpkins.  Immediately this evokes dreamy images of crunchy leaves and crisp air, of lattes with harvesty-sounding names, of scarves and silvery breath-vapor early in the morning.  Then I snap back to reality as I remember that I am, in fact, sweating (which may have more to do with the hot flashes that currently beset me, but that's beside the point).  It is 83 degrees, which means the said carved pumpkin will last a whopping 3 days before it melts into an orange puddle of moldy pumpkin goo.  Such is pumpkin carving in Florida. :) That, and have you ever noticed how much work it is to carve a pumpkin?  How much mess ?  And did you notice how Noah always asks if WE can carve a pumpkin, when he actually means "YOU, MOM"?  He has good intentions.  He shows up with the knife and the gargantuan metal spoon, smiling all eager and ready, but at the first sign of this-will-take-long...

I finally cleaned out my camera with pictures from who-knows-how-long ago, and found this photo from the first day of school this year.  A few noteworthy things: 1.  Those are Noah's fingers giving himself bunny ears. 2.  This is an illustration of Noah's "loop-hole" mentality; always pushing the limits.  We had just taken a photo 3 seconds ago, in which he had given ME bunny ears. When I was previewing the shot (praise the Lord for digital photos!  Remember when you had to wait for the film to be developed to find out you had your eyes closed?) and saw the bunny ears, I said, "Don't give me bunny ears! Here, let's take it again."  So that's him, not giving me bunny ears. Nice. 3.  That's me, growing my hair out.  And me, almost deciding to cut it again.  For the life of me, I can't get it to quit flipping out. But, we press on. :) 4.  Noah has lost a few more teeth since this photo.  They change so quickly these days! ...

It was good this past weekend to get out on a double date with Matt and Jen.  We haven't been able to do that in years because normally we are each other's babysitters.  Ironically, this time, instead of being able to finally talk without the disruption of small children, we went four-wheeling where we couldn't have talked if we wanted to! :) I'm still laughing about that one.  But the guys really love their four-wheelers, and I know they usually have little tykes climbing all over them angling for rides, so it was a treat to have their wives on the back for a change.  We had fun!  The Lord held off the rain (have I mentioned that we have had almost nothing but rain the whole month of September?) while we were out, and we returned to our kids refreshed and prepared (well, almost) for the parenting thing again.

Noah filled up a superstar card this morning. He can earn superstars for outstanding behavior or attitudes, and when he earns 12 on his punchcard, he can turn it in for something special.  In the past we have gone bowling, mini-golfing, or out for ice cream as a family.  This time, we got a fish!  Meet Johnny Appleseed (that's the fish).  And that is the face of one excited little boy!

In my previous post, I alluded to the fact that before we had kids I thought I had All The Answers about parenting and that now, well, I don't.  Our church has been offering a parenting class on Sunday afternoons, and it has been most eye-opening.  Embarrassing actually, as I mentally replay all our mistakes and shortcomings, which have conspicuously displayed themselves in my children's lives like the proverbial elephant in the room.  Large, smelly, and generally hard to ignore.  Funny how my mistakes make themselves evident in my kids' lives. Today's lesson was on giving too many freedoms too early to children (called "parenting outside the funnel"), and then the little cherubs end up ruling the house and doing whatever it is they please.  I only heard bits and pieces of the lesson, because I was in the nursery with the littles, listening when I could on the speaker.  But in between refereeing squabbles (did you know it doesn't really matter who had i...

I'm sitting here at the computer with about a million other things to do; grocery store circulars waiting to be perused and marked, lessons waiting to be planned, rooms to be cleaned, laundry to be done, but I want to write instead.  I think that's how I know that I'm coming back from wherever it was that I have been; I want to write. The days slip past me fast/slow, and my boys are getting so big and I am missing it by not recording it.  I've taken about 5 pictures in as many months, and guilt knocks on my door about that.  But I'm not letting it in!  I look back on my own childhood, and there certainly aren't pictures documenting every week in those dusty albums.  Do I weep about that? No!  So we press on. "What do you want to remember?" I ask myself.  These things: That parenting is the hardest thing I ever begged God to have the privilege of doing.  It is mind-numbingly, pain-stakingly, wits-end kind of hard.  And I laugh because I ...

*This is probably not a post for the men to read, just to let you know.* I have felt a little...unbalanced over the past year.  "Unbalanced" may be too demure a word. Crazy would be more accurate.  Sometimes I can't even express this brand of crazy to others.  It's been an overwhelming-can't-explain-it-am-I-losing-my-mind kind of crazy.  For you moms out there, maybe this will help describe what I'm trying to say: it's the kind of crazy that happens those first few weeks after you have given birth to a new baby.  You're happy, you're sad.  Why are you crying? You don't know. You're so frustrated! You are overwhelmed. You can't think straight. You see yourself act and hear yourself speak, but it's disconnected from reality. You think weird thoughts. You. Are. Not. YOU. That's how I have felt. Add that to very irregular cycles (see, I told you this wasn't a post for the men!) and some other physical symptoms I've bee...

Did you know that Seth loves pockets and he almost always keeps a little hot wheels car in one, and a marble or bouncy ball in the other.  I usually find one of his pocket treasures in the dryer, which always makes me smile. And Seth doesn't like pajamas because they don't have pockets. Vacation Bible School is done!  Crafty J (that's me) can retire her name badge for another year.  I do love VBS, but I'm always ready for it to be over by the end.  There is a certain kind of tired that is only experienced by a VBS staff member. Am I right? Each and every one of the pictures on my camera from VBS came out blurry!  I couldn't believe it.  I think it was the lighting, but maybe it was the setting.  :( Noah lost another tooth a few nights ago and the Tooth Fairy (also me) keeps forgetting to put money under his pillow!  OOPS.  I blamed it on being VBS Tired, but that didn't make Noah feel any better.  I saw him dejectedly sittin...

I have been re-reading One Thousand Gifts , by Ann Voskamp (a must-read!) and am being reminded to give thanks in everything and for everything, that thanksgiving always precedes the miracle of living life fully satisfied with God.  Then in my Bible reading just this morning, I saw it for myself: the miracle.  "So I will bless You as long as I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.  My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness, and my mouth offers praises with joyful lips." Psalm 63:4-5  Giving thanks to God satisfies our souls!  Are you looking for satisfaction like I am?  A filling up to the brim, and overflowing with joy?  Honestly, too often I turn to chocolate or brownies or coffee to satisfy my soul (which doesn't work, by the way), when what my soul craves is more God.  Then did you see it?  "My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness..."  There is nothing like God to fill up the empty holes, and there is nothing lik...

I had always assumed that a downside to being a family with just boys was that our read-alouds would by necessity be decidedly masculine.  I would be doomed to Captains Courageous , Treasure Island , and Old Yeller , with not even an Anne of Green Gables or Little Women  to soften the blow.  I was bemoaning to my niece (and possibly to Jen too) the fact that we would probably never get to read the Little House series by Laura Ingalls Wilder because those stories are too "girly", but Marisa set me straight. "But if you think about it, most of it is really about Pa!" she said.  "How he cleans his guns, sets his traps, tells stories, and plays his fiddle.  They're not that girly, really. Noah would probably eat it up!" And she's right.  We're two-thirds of the way through Little House in the Big Woods , and Noah loves it!  He listens raptly to all the descriptions of making maple sugar and smoking the meat, and the stories of being out in th...

Our church is in transition right now.  There is a family who, though indispensable to our ministry over the last 5 or so years, is suddenly being moved by the clear direction of God to South Carolina.  We see the hand of God in it, and so we can do nothing more than praise Him for this working in their lives and hold our hands out in expectation of how God will fill the gap.  Because there will be a gap.  This family was involved in almost every ministry; deacon, Sunday school teachers, nursery workers (as the one "in charge" of scheduling nursery workers, just ask me how much I will miss them!), music, organization, and probably a myriad of other capacities of which I am not even aware, because they didn't serve to be noticed.  And did I mention that they drove almost an hour one-way just to get to church?  We're talking dedication. But as much as I am sorry to see them go, there is also awakening in me a kind of wonder-filled excitement at what God wil...