My Ebenezer

I was nine years old when The Little Mermaid was released in theaters, and it quickly rose to the top of my list of favorite movies. I could sing every song, and in the summers ever after--until I grew too old to admit that I was doing such a thing--I pretended to be a mermaid. Swam underwater with my legs tight together and everything. Now I have 3 kids, and though they have no idea who The Little Mermaid is, the water seems to allure them just as much as it did me. They can't wait to get their swimsuits on and jump in, though they aren't pretending to be mermaids, I guarantee you. They're boys, after all, and have much more in common with Indiana Jones than Ariel. But I digress. I love pictures like the one above because it's like a digital time capsule. I'll file it away and then in five years, revisit it and not be able to believe how little they were. I love/hate that feeling. These are my kids with Matt and Jen's kids, and also some friends from chu...

(First things first: WHY does spell checker not recognize "homeschool" as a correctly spelled word? I assure you; homeschooling is a thing and it is very much a one-word kind of concept!) Jen, her daughters, and I had the opportunity to attend the FPEA annual homeschool convention last weekend. Before the experience gets lost in the summer happenings, I thought I'd write about some of the things I took away from it. 1. It's always a blessing to retreat a bit and reflect on the life we chose. This school year was our hardest yet, and there were days (weeks, months actually) where I was ready to pull the plug and load my kids onto the big yellow bus the very next day. It's so helpful to remember that there are literally thousands of other moms in the same situation (I had two tell me in person that they felt the exact same way this year). This is hard. This (we believe) is what God has called me to. This is what I'll do with His grace. 2. It was definit...

Seth is my bug man. He loves trapping them, catching them, playing with them, trying to feed them... Today we were out in the yard, trying to make it to lunch time without snacking (honestly this is a rarely-attained goal in our house!) and I suggested we try to catch some grasshoppers. This was met with excitement and so, if you had looked over the fence into our backyard about 11:40 on Monday morning, you would have found Seth, Eden, and I alternately stalking and then pouncing on the little green bugs. Most times we missed, but occasionally we came up victorious. Eden begged to hold one, and then would squeal and jump back if we tried to actually pass our grasshoppers to her. Seth caught the most, and I got a little bit of exercise chasing them down. I am so glad to be out of school for the summer so I can do these kinds of things! Also on an unrelated note, I attempted to show Seth how to do a cartwheel in the backyard and almost pulled my back out. Don't try that a...

I recently had the opportunity to complete this hummingbird, which had been sitting in my sketchbook half-finished for months. What joy God gives me in drawing, and I have to believe I enjoy only a sliver of the joy He felt when He formed these beautiful little birds. All those colors competing for top billing in a bird hardly bigger than an insect! I'm hoping to draw more birds as time allows, and maybe start giving them away as gifts more often.

What do you see here? Are you saying to yourself, "Big deal. Tissues on a bookshelf." Ah, but when you've spent the last couple of years back in this stage like I have: All of a sudden seeing a full box of tissues, untouched on a bookshelf in perfect reach of anybody, can almost bring a tear to your eye. The good kind. I am starting to see glimmers of hope that one day we will emerge from Little Kid Mode. Like old Noah in Genesis, who sent out a dove to determine if the flood waters had receded, I set out that tissue box about a week ago to test our own waters of destruction. And I'm here to tell you I think they're receding! We're not out of the flood zone yet, as demonstrated by the fact that Eden saw a Dayquil pill; so golden, so candy-like, sitting on the kitchen counter and popped it into her mouth without so much as a question (thankfully I saw her and made her spit it out). BUT. There's daily proof that life won't always be so...mess...

The irony in a Mother's Day picture like this one is that the most influential contributors to my motherhood are not even pictured! Those would be God and my husband, as well as my own mom. Years I spent at God's feet, asking for children. Look at how He's answered! These kids are far from what I imagined in terms of personality, and also I had No Idea what I was getting myself into with parenting in general. God knew that. But when I see this photo, I see myriad answered prayers. Thank you, God! God is still giving me grace and strength each day. I pray He will turn my messy efforts into something beautiful one day. Josh is the one who snapped this photo. And the other 5 before it. Truth be told, he could have kept going! I know we're not the only family who can't get a decent photo the first time. He's also the one who helps keep my sanity when, by 8:30pm, I'm about to lose it. He's an excellent putter-to-bedder, the best jungle gym and airpla...

Yesterday about this time, I let out a sigh of relief that rivaled any of the previous ones on record. WE FINISHED SCHOOL WITH GOD'S HELP!! Noah finished 6th grade, Seth finished Kindergarten, and hopefully Eden finished her turn as my loose cannon, though I can't say for sure on that one yet. We did go out for milkshakes to celebrate the victory God gave. About mid-September last year, a mere 2 weeks into school, I didn't think I could or even should go on homeschooling. Almost every day since then, I fought a battle in my mind. I can't do this. God can equip me to do this. I don't want to do this. I must do this. Isn't there another way? Big yellow bus, where are you?  I can say, looking back, that God is the only one to whom credit is due for completing this year. It is only by His grace. I'm not really ready to comment beyond that on this past school year. We'll see what God has in store for next year!

Eden loves baby dolls. She only has one so far, but earlier today she brought a couple home from the church nursery and I didn't even notice, probably because I was dealing with Older Brother Shenanigans as we were getting into the car.  We'll return the dolls to church tomorrow night, but until then, I'd say they're in pretty good hands. She loves to line them up in a chair and get them all in a row. She talks to them and takes care of them. I've even seen her spank her doll! She'll hold the offender right up to her face and say very quietly and sternly: "Now you look in my eyes!" I feel like I'm looking in a mirror when she does that. I really enjoy having a girl after all the years of boys!

"What should I get our moms for Mother's Day?" I asked Josh. He's used to this question; neither of us is very good at gift-giving. This is not because we don't want to give gifts. No, this is because we both have a perfectionist vein which deeply desires to give The Perfect Gift. As early as a month prior to an occasion we begin investing much thought into what we should give, and then dismiss several decent options because they're just okay. We can't give a gift that is just okay. We need the PERFECT ONE! Meanwhile the date in question marches ever steadily closer. Finally, in a desperate attempt to give something before it's too late--because we still haven't arrived at The Perfect Gift-- we... (wait for it).... go to Amazon and order a gift card that we then email to the person the day of the celebration. Nailed it! *rolls eyes*  So, if you've been one of our lucky Amazon gift card recipients, this is why. It is because we love you f...