Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
I have always thrived on routine, and something inside of me rejoiced when I heard that small children thrive on routine too. YAY! Routine: check. I can handle routine. Josh dutifully, and I excitedly, began a bedtime routine with Noah from infancy. Bath, pajamas, Bible story, prayer, songs, bed. It was beautiful. We all looked forward to it. It worked.
Until 3 weeks ago.
It began with a simple request for a drink of water and escalated into a battle of wills heretofore unparalleled in our household. We gave Noah his simple drink and said "goodnight." Then, somewhat fussy-sounding, the little voice asked if he could tell me something. "No," I said. "It's time to go to sleep."
Noah, full-on fussy now: "But I want to!" And such began a sequence of discipline, reproof, and correction that lasted 45 minutes. Forty-five minutes!!
And we (get this!) thought it was a fluke.
It wasn't. It's as if we have a Jekyll and Hyde on our hands. Seriously. For the past 24 days, we have been fighting a nearly nightly battle of wills. If it's not a drink he requests, it's insisting that he's so hungry he's about to perish, or that he doesn't feel well ("My belly has a throat." Whatever that means.), or that he simply must tell Mommy something, or that he's hot, or, or, or... Our discipline tactic seems to make no difference. He knows what's coming, and he still chooses to disobey. Repeatedly. At the end of our discipline routine, we have him pray and he seems ready to obey, only to climb into bed and start the whole thing over again.
This will go on for 30-45 minutes before he finally gives up for the night, and retreats to sleep. We then retreat to our bedroom where we flop down, emotionally exhausted and at the end of our parenting rope.
The hardest part is knowing that we are following God's plan to the best of our ability, and that it doesn't seem to be working. That's where faith comes in. And what I have mentioned in previous posts about clinging to the word of God and trusting that what He says is true.
So that's my story.
Hopefully it won't stick with us long.
Prayers appreciated!
Until 3 weeks ago.
It began with a simple request for a drink of water and escalated into a battle of wills heretofore unparalleled in our household. We gave Noah his simple drink and said "goodnight." Then, somewhat fussy-sounding, the little voice asked if he could tell me something. "No," I said. "It's time to go to sleep."
Noah, full-on fussy now: "But I want to!" And such began a sequence of discipline, reproof, and correction that lasted 45 minutes. Forty-five minutes!!
And we (get this!) thought it was a fluke.
It wasn't. It's as if we have a Jekyll and Hyde on our hands. Seriously. For the past 24 days, we have been fighting a nearly nightly battle of wills. If it's not a drink he requests, it's insisting that he's so hungry he's about to perish, or that he doesn't feel well ("My belly has a throat." Whatever that means.), or that he simply must tell Mommy something, or that he's hot, or, or, or... Our discipline tactic seems to make no difference. He knows what's coming, and he still chooses to disobey. Repeatedly. At the end of our discipline routine, we have him pray and he seems ready to obey, only to climb into bed and start the whole thing over again.
This will go on for 30-45 minutes before he finally gives up for the night, and retreats to sleep. We then retreat to our bedroom where we flop down, emotionally exhausted and at the end of our parenting rope.
The hardest part is knowing that we are following God's plan to the best of our ability, and that it doesn't seem to be working. That's where faith comes in. And what I have mentioned in previous posts about clinging to the word of God and trusting that what He says is true.
So that's my story.
Hopefully it won't stick with us long.
Prayers appreciated!
Comments
I know you know and are already considering that children are individuals with different emotional and security needs that are constantly changing. (Don't ours, as adults change even on a daily basis sometimes? And we even have the capacity to communicate them fully if we choose to do so.) Sometimes our parenting styles need to change to meet their new needs, and sometimes they need (through patience and understanding and coaching and yes, even discipline) to learn to adjust and adapt through their needs. Knowing who needs to change and how (the parent or the child) is the complicated part! :)
I've totally seen how changing up our parenting expectations at times has made a huge difference in behavior and the overall close relationship we have with our children. I've also seen how, after prayer and soul searching, we've decided that it wasn't in the child's best long term interest to continue to be immobilized by "x" fear or "y" stubborn requests, and how coaching the child into new ways to handle the situations has helped them. Being creative in these situations can be so draining, I know!
I am praying that God gives you wisdom as you seek in every part of the day to "bring him up in the NURTURE AND ADMONITION of the Lord."
And sometimes it's helpful to check to see if the expectations are too high (Is it a situation where if you were put in exact position and were expected to do what you expect him to do, would that make you highly tempted to be angry or behave in a similar way?). I'm sure some of that depends on personality types, but that question has TRULY helped me with dealing with David (we are both similar personalities). Matt will help me think through the question with his own answers for issues dealing with Daniel since their personalities are more similar.
I trust that as parents (who are seeking God) of a beautiful, special, unique, precious, very often sweet, 3 year old boy, God will give you the wisdom you are seeking.
I am praying for all 3 of you! :)
Love you guys so much.
Melanie
Did he just recently get moved from the crib to a bed? Just wondering what might have brought this on...