Burdens to Cast
I've been feeling overwhelmed with life lately. It's been hard to find my joy in the Lord, and I've just noticed a dark cloud kind of hanging over me. It's hard to fully explain, but I believe there are several contributors:
My back and neck still have not completely healed. I have been to the chiropractor once a week for the last 3 weeks, and it has not made a noticeable difference. Every morning I wake up very sore, and though it gets better throughout the day, it is uncomfortable and I notice it.
I have had a UTI for going on three weeks now, and I don't think it has gone away. I think it's the same one that keeps resurfacing. It usually gets bad on Sundays and then better through the week. My only explanation is that maybe I don't drink enough on the weekends, and then I tend to go a little sugar crazy (more chocolate cake, please!), and it exacerbates the problem. Last night it was so painfully uncomfortable that I almost didn't go to Bible study. I don't want to go to the doctor to get antibiotics, because those usually cause a host of other problems for me that I'd rather not deal with. You can self-handle a UTI, right?
I go to bed tired and I wake up tired. Just always so tired. I daydream about coffee and naps. I crave ice, so these two things make me think I'm probably still anemic. I haven't had my levels checked, but all signs point that way. I know I should be exercising for my general health, but I can't seem to get out of bed in the morning. To fit exercise into my schedule, I would need to get up at 6:15.
There has been a moral dilemma that Josh and I have been working through, that is not fully resolved yet. I may post about that on its own, but for now, it's giving me lots to think about. What would God have me do? Have we done enough? Is He pleased with us?
There are the usual parenting issues. Sometimes it seems as if the kids run the place. For example, Seth will forage for food anytime he wants to. This morning I had 6 raspberries on the counter, waiting to put them in my oatmeal. They were our last 6 berries, and the last of our fresh fruit (I need to go grocery shopping), and they were pretty limp looking, but they were mine, and I was going to put them in my oatmeal. Oatmeal is pretty sad if you don't have some fruit to put in it (I'm trying to steer clear of sugar). Pep walked into the kitchen, found the plumpest raspberry, and popped it into his mouth! Without asking! Yesterday Noah asked if he could look on ebay at some Lego sets, and before I knew it, he had bid on two--one of which was charging more than $9 in shipping! I'm all for teaching independence, but I don't want them to be so comfortable that they do whatever they please.
I'm burdened about our church. It is not growing, though we've been at this 8 years already. I pray and pray for a change, but so far God has not done anything that I can see. I've been studying Exodus as part of our ladies' Bible study, and it is encouraging to know that God works even when we can't see what He is doing, and sometimes even when there is opposition and things fail, He's behind it, always working His plan.
My house seems to be in a constant state of mess. I had forgotten--how, I don't know--that children who are Eden's age are equivalent to tornadoes. The amount of devastation they can inflict on a single room in a single minute is breathtaking. The amount of potential harm they can inflict on themselves in a single minute is terrifying. All of this requires constant supervision, and I'm just exhausted by it. I had forgotten how much I look forward to naptime, and how desperately I guard that naptime. With three kids and homeschooling, I constantly feel like I'm trying to brush my teeth while eating Oreos. Futility.
In November, Josh is taking Noah to Scotland (yes, you read that right), and Seth to Connecticut, leaving me with Eden for almost a week. Part of me yearns to go with him to Scotland, but...see above paragraphs. I literally don't know how I would survive, having to bring Eden and being so tired. Add to that the jet lag? I might just die, and so I am staying here. Not minding, and yet minding.
These are some of the burdens on my heart lately. I hope I haven't depressed you, but these are very real concerns to me, and so I felt I had to share them. Life can't always be rosy, and I want to document it all. Someday I hope to look back on this post and see God's hand in each of these situations, even though I'm hard-pressed to see it now...
My back and neck still have not completely healed. I have been to the chiropractor once a week for the last 3 weeks, and it has not made a noticeable difference. Every morning I wake up very sore, and though it gets better throughout the day, it is uncomfortable and I notice it.
I have had a UTI for going on three weeks now, and I don't think it has gone away. I think it's the same one that keeps resurfacing. It usually gets bad on Sundays and then better through the week. My only explanation is that maybe I don't drink enough on the weekends, and then I tend to go a little sugar crazy (more chocolate cake, please!), and it exacerbates the problem. Last night it was so painfully uncomfortable that I almost didn't go to Bible study. I don't want to go to the doctor to get antibiotics, because those usually cause a host of other problems for me that I'd rather not deal with. You can self-handle a UTI, right?
I go to bed tired and I wake up tired. Just always so tired. I daydream about coffee and naps. I crave ice, so these two things make me think I'm probably still anemic. I haven't had my levels checked, but all signs point that way. I know I should be exercising for my general health, but I can't seem to get out of bed in the morning. To fit exercise into my schedule, I would need to get up at 6:15.
There has been a moral dilemma that Josh and I have been working through, that is not fully resolved yet. I may post about that on its own, but for now, it's giving me lots to think about. What would God have me do? Have we done enough? Is He pleased with us?
There are the usual parenting issues. Sometimes it seems as if the kids run the place. For example, Seth will forage for food anytime he wants to. This morning I had 6 raspberries on the counter, waiting to put them in my oatmeal. They were our last 6 berries, and the last of our fresh fruit (I need to go grocery shopping), and they were pretty limp looking, but they were mine, and I was going to put them in my oatmeal. Oatmeal is pretty sad if you don't have some fruit to put in it (I'm trying to steer clear of sugar). Pep walked into the kitchen, found the plumpest raspberry, and popped it into his mouth! Without asking! Yesterday Noah asked if he could look on ebay at some Lego sets, and before I knew it, he had bid on two--one of which was charging more than $9 in shipping! I'm all for teaching independence, but I don't want them to be so comfortable that they do whatever they please.
I'm burdened about our church. It is not growing, though we've been at this 8 years already. I pray and pray for a change, but so far God has not done anything that I can see. I've been studying Exodus as part of our ladies' Bible study, and it is encouraging to know that God works even when we can't see what He is doing, and sometimes even when there is opposition and things fail, He's behind it, always working His plan.
My house seems to be in a constant state of mess. I had forgotten--how, I don't know--that children who are Eden's age are equivalent to tornadoes. The amount of devastation they can inflict on a single room in a single minute is breathtaking. The amount of potential harm they can inflict on themselves in a single minute is terrifying. All of this requires constant supervision, and I'm just exhausted by it. I had forgotten how much I look forward to naptime, and how desperately I guard that naptime. With three kids and homeschooling, I constantly feel like I'm trying to brush my teeth while eating Oreos. Futility.
In November, Josh is taking Noah to Scotland (yes, you read that right), and Seth to Connecticut, leaving me with Eden for almost a week. Part of me yearns to go with him to Scotland, but...see above paragraphs. I literally don't know how I would survive, having to bring Eden and being so tired. Add to that the jet lag? I might just die, and so I am staying here. Not minding, and yet minding.
These are some of the burdens on my heart lately. I hope I haven't depressed you, but these are very real concerns to me, and so I felt I had to share them. Life can't always be rosy, and I want to document it all. Someday I hope to look back on this post and see God's hand in each of these situations, even though I'm hard-pressed to see it now...
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