A Quiver Full

"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth.
How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them;
They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate." Psalm 127:4-5

I used to wonder how a person could know when their quiver was full.  I'd overhear moms conversing at the park. Always nonchalant, but always adamant, as if the choice were really up to them; "Oh, we are so done.  No more kids for us."

I'd puzzle over that for a while because no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't relate.  All I've ever known through my married life is the pining after children.  One, then two, then a third.  I thought I would never be satisfied, like the barren womb in Proverbs which never cries, "Enough!"  I thought that I'd always want one more.  Even when I was pregnant with Noah and then with Seth, I'd feel pangs of heartache at the thought that this could be the last time I'd get to experience pregnancy and have a little baby to snuggle.  If you can believe it, I was actually disappointed when I went into labor because it meant pregnancy was over, possibly for good.

But you know what?  This time I'm at peace.  This time I'm able to say that I'm perfectly content if this is my last pregnancy, the last time I'll give birth, my last experience with an infant.  Now, I fully realize that this could be due to many factors such as:

I was sicker longer with this pregnancy than with either of my previous ones.
I am more uncomfortable, and feel more acutely the aches, pains, and discomforts of pregnancy than ever before.
We are having a girl after having two boys.
I am 36. Thirty. Six.  That's 10 years older than I was when I was pregnant with Noah.  Trust me, a lot changes in a body in 10 years' time.

However, I don't think these are the only reasons I'm fine with this being our last baby (Lord-willing).  I think it is honestly true that some people's quivers are larger than others, and that God can give full and perfect peace when one reaches capacity.  I would say we are at capacity after this little girl comes. :)  If I'm wrong, I know the Lord will give grace, but I'm just saying that it is a wonderful feeling to be at peace with 3 children, when I thought all my life I'd keep wanting "just one more."

God is so good to give me the desires of my heart and to make me satisfied with Him and His good gifts!




Comments

Ruth said…
That's really wonderful, Jo! I hope that continues to be the case for you as I know for many years things like pregnancy announcements and the sight of pregnant bellies has been emotionally challenging (some times more than others). When I was in the hospital on bedrest with Oliver during 10 weeks of the pregnancy, the thought of being pregnant again was terrifying. And then when I found out I was pregnant a year later I really wanted another baby and was devastated when we lost that little one. And wished I could be pregnant once again although I knew it was highly unlikely it would ever happen again. I was 36 when I gave birth to my first, and even now at the age of 44 I would be thrilled if I was able to have another baby, but I am also very thankful for the three God graciously gave me. Even though emotionally I have not totally let go of the desire for one more baby, I don't have my hopes up like I did during that decade of trying to conceive. It is very nice not to ride that emotional roller coaster every month any more. Anyhow, I am so happy for you that you are at peace with being the mom of three kids. Just think, some have ONE baby and are SURE they are done and others desire far more than that. I am glad you are now at that place with three. I can't wait to see pictures of your sweet little girl. It is SO much fun buying clothes for girls!!!
September 3, 2016 at 7:48 PM
Ruth said…
P.S. I have to add that I always find it amusing that I still find myself looking wistfully at a pregnant belly when in fact I did not physically enjoy being pregnant during any of my pregnancies (maybe because I was over 35 for all of them?). Emotionally I enjoyed my first two pregnancies. The third pregnancy wasn't enjoyable physically or emotionally and yet I still have a positive feeling about the idea of being pregnant again. I know it doesn't seem logical, but it's true for me.
September 3, 2016 at 7:53 PM
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